Life Uncommon

I just got back from a weekend in Boise, ID where my oldest nephew got married. It was an amazing weekend, and Boise is beautiful, filled with a rich blend of deciduous and evergreen trees, charming little houses and shops, and ringed by spectacular rugged hills and sagebrush.

I woke up with the song Life Uncommon by Jewel in my head, the melody soaring through my brain, but I couldn't remember the words at all, only the chorus, "lend our voices to the sounds of freedom."

As I've shared previously, I often wake up with songs reverberating in my mind, and if I dig a little bit, there's always a message that's pertinent to what I'm currently dealing with. In this case, it was the gift of this weekend that was really resonating with me.

I come from a large family, 4 girls, 3 boys. I'm 3rd oldest in this bunch. When you grow up there is always the problem of reverting back to those assigned family roles when you all get back together, even if you're all adults. Its probably why so many people dread holiday gatherings, where they are instantly shoved back into the roll they played as a child, even when they're 50.

Usually, as much as I love my family, this is exactly what happens when we all get together, and it leads to anger, frustration, and the overwhelming desire just to get the hell out of this nightmare and back to my own life, where I can be me, in the real world, with all my real accomplishments and passions and abilities intact, waiting for me to pick them back up again.

This weekend was different though. I went to this wedding with the desire to really see, really hear, who my siblings had become as adults, and allow them that chance to be who they are NOW, not who they were when we were children.

How amazing to look at my brothers and sisters with those new eyes. Who knew my baby sister was such an amazing dancer? Who knew my oldest brother was so sweet and so laid back? I sit and play through the various conversations I had this weekend, and am so grateful for the gift of time and growth, and change.

So how does this song apply to what I'm going through right now? I had to read the lyrics to really get the message, but its coming through loud and clear. "Set down your chains, until only faith remains. And lend your voices only to the sounds of freedom. No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery, and we shall lead a life uncommon"

Above anything else in our lives, we want our families to be proud of us, to love us and validate the things we've created for ourselves as adults. Even if its not who we were as children. We want the ability to grow and change and become new people. But so often, we are chained to the past, to old roles and habits and expectations, unable to grow in the eyes of our parents and siblings, always and forever stuck at who we were in the past.

Forever fighting and trying to prove something to the people we love and care about. No wonder so many of us move hundreds or thousands of miles away from our families. We have to, just to grow up and become the new people we were meant to be.

I was able to look at my siblings for the first time ever, and validate who they are as people, separate from the family and the choices they've made to pursue the lives they desire. And I was able to validate for myself the exact same thing. I am no longer that little kid, stuck in the middle, invisible and aching for attention, for validation for something I created, like an amazing poem, or straight A's, or a world famous record company.

By letting go of the chains that tie us to the past, we are free. Free to love and grow, free to discover new things that light our fire, like a passion for cars, or for dancing, or a deep appreciation for poetry, or a sardonic wit. Or a new passion for exercising, or horses or whatever! Things that weren't even a glimmer in our childhoods, but now fill our adult lives with joy. By letting go, and giving permission to those we love most in the world to change, we allow each other , but most of all ourselves, to live a life uncommon.