Downshifting

As 2010 got under way, I began to realize that my life needed some major changes. The bankruptcy was the wake up call, but learning to apply that eye-opening experience to the rest of my life, not just my finances was more of a challenge than I thought it would be.

When you've lived your entire life pushing forward, following your passion no matter what, its easy sometimes to get lost, which is exactly what had happened to me. Have you ever been in a pool swimming, eyes closed, focused on moving yourself across the water with perfect over-head strokes, breathe, stoke, breathe, kick.... thinking you're going forward in a perfectly straight line, only to crash into the side of the pool, not realizing you had veered wildly off-course and weren't going forward at all? Well, that's what this last year has been like for me.

So as I started looking at my life, trying to see what was robbing me of my time, money, and peace, I realized it was the entire business I was in. The music business is all about forward motion: kick kick kick, stroke stroke stoke. Move forward, make a new record, never stop moving, never stop putting out or creating something new. There was always something new to create, something to prove. It wasn't until I celebrated the 10 year anniversary of my record company that I realized, that whole mindset didn't work for me anymore.

I had never stopped to enjoy what I had created, never stopped to be proud of the cool new record that I put out, that never would have existed in the world if I hadn't done it. I just never stopped!

Standing there, appreciating the people appreciating what I had created, I suddenly realized, I couldn't do this any more. I needed to stop swimming. It was killing me. And it wasn't fun any more. I hardly even listened to the records I had spent so much energy on. I started this whole company because it was fun, and music was my passion. It was never supposed to be about work.

So I conciously made the choice to downshift. I chose to close my store, although it was tremendously fun, and cute and successful, it wasn't helping me achieve the balance in my life I was seeking. I had to put out a tremendous amount of energy to keep it the way I created it, and the payback didn't really make the expense worth it.

People thought I was crazy, and maybe I was. But I needed to start eliminating things from my life that were distracting and pulling at me. I knew in my gut the store was the first thing that had to go. Next was finding a smaller location to run my business from.

While having the 3500 square foot warehouse was nice, and I felt "successful" for having found such an awesome place for such a good price, it too pulled at my energy constantly. I could never relax when I was there, never really get into the flow of the day. There was no sunlight, no fresh air. It was like being in a walk in cooler all day, and I was suffocating.

My new space is much much smaller, only 600 square feet, but its bright, filled with sunlight, with lots of windows that open for fresh air. I'm surrounded by beautiful trees and flowers, and vibrant businesses. And I continue to downshift. I've made the decision to no longer put out new records, but instead to focus on working with what I spent all this time creating.

Again, people are aghast. What, a record label that isn't putting out new records? What's wrong with you? You have such a cool business, how could you just stop? This seems to be the general reaction when I tell people what I'm doing. And its been a struggle not to get sucked back into the whole game, to not feel guilty for no longer wanting to "help" bands by putting out their record. I'm still getting sent lots of demos, and I still see bands play that I think, "oh, I could put out a great record for them."

But the truth is, I'm much happier no longer spending my time constantly explaining to new bands what they need to do to "make it" in this crazy industry. I am finally getting a chance to focus on the stuff I already did, learning to promote those records in fascinating new ways that the internet and digital age are providing. I actually have time to enjoy myself these days, to literally stop and smell the roses! I have time to spend with friends now, to attend weddings and travel!

My boyfriend's parents were in town visiting last week, and I was able to take a day off just to spend time with them, just because I could. And every Weds, the local farmers' market meets just up the street in a beautiful park, and I close up the office and wander up to check out what fresh fruit or flowers are available.

I have gone from 5th gear overdrive to 2nd gear, and I'm loving it. Life is so much more satisfying these days. I don't have excuses anymore to avoid meeting up with my friends for lunch, or to not go to a movie with my sweetheart. The slower pace has allowed me to start learning some new skills, pursue new creative ideas, and really really listen to the music that I have helped create.

I find my life is so much richer and more satisfying now that I've stopped chasing "success". I no longer have anything to prove. I am happy and content for the first time in many many years, and am grateful for the opportunity to just step back and let life and business flow around me.