As often happens to me, I wake up with a song in my head. I've started paying attention to the song, and while usually its the melody that sticks with me, lately, I've been paying attention the lyrics. These last few weeks, I've had a Guy Clark song (written by his wife Susanna Clark) "Come From the Heart" from his "Old Friends" record on Sugar Hill Records. I urge you to go download this song from Itunes.
I dug out my record this morning to play, and realized why I've been thinking about this song. The chorus goes:
You got to sing, like you don't need the money
Love like you'll never get hurt
You got to dance, like no one is watching
It's gotta come from the heart if you
want it to work
Yet again, words I need to pay attention to as I sit here amidst the rubble of my life. My house is a disaster, with boxes of stuff I didn't move to my new office because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find it when I needed it. My whole work space is in complete disarray because I followed the inner voice that I needed to move, NOW, and so I did.
For some reason, this weekend, I decided I needed to paint my spare bedroom. I've been seeing the new colors in my mind for weeks, but I've ignored it. This is definitely not the right time for me to turn my house upside down too. People will think I've completely lost my mind. I think I've completely lost my mind.
But I went ahead and did it any way. I've hated the "popcorn" that was on the ceiling, so I scraped it off, despite everyone saying its dangerous and I shouldn't do it. But I did it anyway. And now, despite needing to really work on getting my office set up, and my home sorted out, I'm painting.
So why did I wake up with this song in my head? Welll, clearly, I'm learning the lesson of following my heart and my inner voice. And even when everyone around me screams that I shouldn't be doing this or that, I'm learning to just tune out the criticism and judgment and "dance like no one is watching."
Hell, I've been following my own internal rhythm since I was a child. I always knew exactly what I was supposed to do and what I wanted, even when I was very very small. I never questioned it when I was little. But as I got older, I started caring and worrying about what people would think about me and the decisions I was making, the clothes I was wearing, the music I was listening to. I stopped listening to my own internal drummer, and started listening to everyone else around me. And man, life started losing alot of the fun.
But this last year, as I've faced some of the toughest decisions of my life, I've realized I HAVE to start listening to myself. I have to start dancing like no one is watching, because this is my life, and I'm the one who has to live in my skin. I'm tired of living my life for everyone else. What the hell do I care if they think I'm off my rocker? I'm learning to laugh at myself, because I really am off my rocker sometimes, but that's part of the fun.
I cried when I played this song for myself this morning. Every single line of that song speaks to me, where I am right this very moment. It's all about trusting your authentic voice. Dance, like nobody's watching. That's life, that's love. That's the joi de vive. That's what makes being human so awesome. Going for something, just because it calls to you. Just because it seems like the right thing to do, even if everyone around you tells you you're crazy.
Thanks Guy and Susanna. I needed the reminder: "Its gotta come from the heart, if you want it to work." I'm off to paint.
