I woke up with this old Dean Martin song in my head this morning "You Ain't Nobody 'til Somebody Loves You". Its a great song, and I love Deano's voice on this track. Its a bit of a misnomer though. While having the love of others is important, its really more important to love yourself first. You have to be the "somebody" in the song.
I'm not certain what started me thinking on this, except that last night was the gallery opening for my boyfriend Bill's paintings. It was a lot of fun, and the turn out was great. He couldn't be there because he was working (at Sacramento Tattoo), so I stood in as his voice for the paintings. People loved them, and the praise was genuine and heart felt, not just someone blowing smoke up my ass because they wanted to seem "cool". Many of our friends showed up in support, and it made me stop to realize once again how lucky I am, and we are, to have such an amazing circle of support around us.
Our friends came out to be part of this gallery opening to show how much they love us. Its as simple as that. In the world of punk rock, its really not cool to let on that you care about people and want to be there for them. But that's a big reason why I'm so done with this whole scene. I am sick to death of people always looking to see what's in it for them, instead of just being there for someone else, just to show you care.
But the interesting thing is, until you really start being there for yourself, and caring about yourself, setting your own boundaries about what you will and won't put up with, you don't really give others the opportunity to show their support and love because they don't really know where they stand.
When I was meditating about this this morning, this made perfect sense to me. Now that I try to put it into words, its seems a bit more confusing, but really, it isn't. Love yourself first and foremost. In the most humble but honest way, be clear about what you will and won't accept in your life. In other words, be ok with setting your boundaries and saying "no, that doesn't work for me". When you do this, it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself, but more importantly for the people around you. It makes it safe for those you care about to do the same thing for themselves. I have the most amazing boyfriend and circle of friends ever. A few years ago, I could never have imagined love and support like this. It was all about me turning myself inside out to make others happy and to give them what I thought they wanted. But gradually recognizing what didn't work for me and saying so has opened me up to this entirely new world and new way of living, and its so much more satisfying and fun!
Deano was right: just make that "somebody" who loves you yourself first. You'll be amazed at how much better your life can become when you do.
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