For the last few days, I've been waking up with the Elton John song "Roy Rogers' in my head. Usually, there's a pretty clear message for me in the songs I wake up with, but for the life of me, I couldn't get what the message was in this song. I figured it was just one of those weird things that sometimes happens with songs, when they get stuck in your head for no obvious reason.
But once again this morning, there it was, foremost in my brain as I slowly pulled myself from a deep restful sleep. So finally, after coffee and listening to my Tibetan meditation CD, I put the record on.
Elton John has always been one of my favorite artists. When I was 15, he was hitting big all over the radio, and me and my best friend Chris would get together to play his records, make up dances to go with the songs, and practice playing them on the piano.
I was still taking classical piano lessons at that time, and was so taken with his piano playing that I talked my teacher into letting me play a song for her, hoping to move onto more contemporary music. Beethoven and Mozart were great and all that, but I couldn't really see how it fit into my teenage life. I wanted to play something I could relate to and share with my friends!
So, begrudgingly, she told me I could chose one song and play it for her, and if she thought it had value, then we could look at working on more pop music. I chose "Funeral For a Friend" since it had such great long complicated piano parts; I was sure she'd be impressed and we'd start working on new material right away.
I played with heart and passion and conviction; it was one of my favorite songs, and I really wanted to do it justice. When I was done, I sat back and waited expectantly for the praise I was sure was coming. Instead, I got such an earful of criticism and judgement, I almost cried. Needless to say, she swore we would NEVER work on pop music. I went home and told my mom that was it, I was done with lessons, and promptly quit playing for almost 30 years.
So how does the song "Roy Rogers" fit into all this? Well, first off, its on the same record as "Funeral for a Friend". They're almost book ends to the double LP, "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", one opening the record and the other closing it out. I get the message now, having listened to the entire album, and remembering this story of playing for Mrs. Mitchell. Bless her heart, what did she know? She thought she was doing me a favor, and instead, she crushed my dreams of being a pop musician.
The song opens with the lines:
Sometimes you dream
Sometimes it seems
There's nothing there at all.
You just seem older
than yesterday.
And you're waiting for tomorrow to call.
Its a song of dreams that died on the vine, visions of a magical tomorrow that never happened because real life stepped in. Instead, you think back to what you longed for as a child or teenager and watch movies and read books about other people who had the courage to pursue their dreams, no matter what criticism they hit. Roy Rogers and Trigger became a big hit, despite all the odds they faced. This song is a man sitting watching TV in the dark, dreaming his unfulfilled dreams of childhood, sure that he has missed his chance, and has to accept the drudgery of his life, waking up, going to work, eating food that he doesn't like, and escaping to watch a cowboy show on TV, imagining himself dressed up in the spangled clothing of a rodeo star while his wife and children sleep in the next room.
How sad, and how depressing. Its never too late to change your mind and pursue your dreams, no matter where you are in life or what your circumstances are. Dreams are what makes like exciting, and magical and worth living. You can always pick up where you left off in childhood. You just have to have the courage to face something that you thought was dead in you, or something you think no way in a million years could you do that now.
Me, I'm starting to play my piano again. My mom bought me a used piano for my 40th birthday, and its sat in my living room for the last 6 years. I've touched it occasionally these last few years, but never wanted to really sit down and feel the love I had for playing. I was too afraid of the judgement that might follow. But these last few months, I've been playing a little here and there, and have even started singing again, although totally in the privacy of my home, when no one is around to hear me.
Up until recently, my boyfriend had never even knew I could play. I never talked to him about it, much less played in front of him. But a few months ago, he wanted to hear Ozzy's "Changes" so I dug up the sheet music and played it for him. No judgement followed, just enthusiasm. Now he wants me to teach him the chords so he can try too. Its become this fun thing between us to practice "Changes". Maybe soon, I'll even be brave enough to sing it while playing it. I get a good laugh thinking about that. Its never too late to reclaim your passion. Let go of the fear and go for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment