At The Crossroads again

Only those very close to me know what I've been going through this past few months.I've hinted at the struggle, but was so ashamed to admit it. I got my bankruptcy discharge today. Yes, I had to file personal bankruptcy, and it has nearly ripped my insides out trying to deal with this. The struggle with the shame, the feelings of grief, and the biggest one, feeling like a failure, have haunted me these past 4 months. I put everything I own, and everything I am into pursuing a dream, even though this dream was killing me, literally sucking the life force out of me. And like so many now in these tough economic times, I've finally had to accept that I've done all I can, and I have to turn this dream over to my higher power. I can't control it any more. I know there's a hidden blessing in this situation. So many people are trying to struggle through this exact same thing in silence, behind hidden doors, struggling with misinformation and critical judgement from those around them who do not understand, and worse yet, the critical judgement against themselves by their own mind. Its exhausting and painful, and terribly frightening, but just like everything else in my life that's been a struggle, I can use this experience to help guide those around me through this painful process, because I myself have now been through it. I can use what I learned to help others avoid some of the pitfalls I've fallen victim to. There are so many lies out there by people preying on those in this situation, terrified about where to go next, and afraid to make the wrong decision, but making it anyway because they trusted someone who offered help, all the while not realizing they were the wolf in a sheep disguise. I have no idea what my next step will be. Just getting to this point has been a struggle, and I know its not over yet. I seek a higher perspective. I tell myself, fly like the hawk and look down at the bigger picture. The answer will come. It may be the opportunity to recreate my life that I've been yearning for. I don't know. So many ask me what will I do now? I really don't know. I'm not making any big changes or decisions. Business will go along as usual for now. Just being able to say I Don't Know is a huge step for me. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. I don't know. But that's ok.