Courage and Faith

I have reached a cross roads in my life, much like the ones I've been writing about that have occurred in my past. I'll get back to that story soon, because its been good for me to look at where I've come from and how I got to where I am, and I'm not done yet. But today, I need to write about my current cross roads, and the courage and faith it is taking to look honestly at that place. We all get there, yet many times, we ignore that moment, thinking, hoping, praying it will go away and everything will go back to normal, so we can just get on with the lives we've become so familiar, so comfortable with. Yet, when you ignore that moment hoping it will just go away, we do a disservice to ourselves, and the potential wonderful things that accepting change can produce in our lives. I'm standing at that point, one path going off into the jungle, filled with tangles and hills, and one path cleared, open, safe, flat but holding no more mystery. I am being pulled towards the jungle, but fear keeps me still for the moment. I have run Gearhead for the last 10 years. I started this company from love and passion, never imagining it would lead me to the places I've gone. It was one of those wild roads I chose, and I don't ever regret taking that path. It changed my life in ways I could never imagine, and brought incredible gifts, people and challenges to me. But I'm at that cross roads again, where it would be safe to keep going, yet no longer holds the mystery and the challenge that it once did. I've been struggling though, stilled by fear, by the unknown. What am I going to do if I no longer have my company to frame my day around? Who would I be then? But that's the lie-- I am not my company. Its something I do, something I love, something I'm good at, but its not ME, its just who I've defined myself by. I started on this path 25 years ago, following the bends, the twists, the turns, the highs and lows, never in a million years seeing myself getting to where I am today. But I'm here, now, and looking out over the vista. Just a brief glimpse of something new, something different out there, and I want to see what's there. Do I have the courage to dive into the underbrush again? I know I do, deep in my soul, that longing for something new and something different is pulsing, pulling at me. I created something incredible out of thin air, and I can do that again, if I give myself the blessings to jump off the cliff again into the unknown. I don't have the proverbial parachute on my back, but then again, I've never had it. I've always just jumped, holding courage and faith in my heart that something miraculous would appear for me to land on, and it always has, each and every time I've come to this point. I am just working up the courage to do it again. Who knows where I'll land this time? But that's always been the point–giving myself permission to just go for it, without worry or fear stopping me.